"Real Talk" explores the performative textual strategies of Sa'd al-Dīn Ḥamūya (d. 1252), a Mongol-era Sufi whose arcane treatises on the science of letters and the Seal of the Saints both bewildered and inspired future generations of occultists, mystics, and messiahs. Rather than attempting to excavate a set of hidden meanings beneath Ḥamūya's lettrist formulations, the paper theorizes incomprehensible speech itself as a creative and contextually-legible claim to saintly authority. Building upon Lara Harb's work on Qur'ānic inimitability (i'jāz), "Real Talk" analyzes how the shaykh's lettrist strategies operate in dialogue with contemporary discussions regarding the nature of revealed speech. According to medieval theories of i'jāz, the Qur'ān articulates its message through obscure syntactic forms that defer meaning and subvert audience expectations, sending each reader or listener on an active quest for understanding. Through the subtle interplay between language and audience, the Qur'ān reveals endless layers of intellectual and affective meaning. Through close readings of The Book of the Beloved, I argue that Ḥamūya appropriates and expands the idiosyncratic forms of Qur'ānic meaning making to draw readers into an active process of hermeneutical engagement. As he plumbs the hidden depths of Reality, Ḥamūya amplifies the techniques of i'jāz beyond the level of syntax and into the broader architectonics of his text, forcing his readers into a state of restless aporia. By continually deferring meaning and subverting conceptual resolution, Sa'd al-Dīn projects the experiential and epistemological possibilities of his words off the page and into the bodies of his readers. Ḥamūya thus frees The Book of the Beloved from a totalizing hermeneutical vision, leaving his work radically open to interpretation. As diverse audiences endlessly map (and re-map) the shaykh's language to the physical, emotional, and intellectual dimensions of their own subjective states, they expand the meanings of his words indefinitely. Sa'd al-Dīn's language thus transforms readers' living, breathing, and speaking bodies into sites within which the totality of the Divine Self-Disclosure becomes manifest as dynamic and boundless play. Read against medieval frameworks of Qur'ānic inimitability, therefore, the incomprehensible qualities of Ḥamūya's text become performative strategies that mark his language as revealed speech.