The Pre-Islamic genre of Arabic invective poetry known as naqa’id (flytings) pitted poets of opposing tribes in a contest that often “took the place of, or formed preliminaries for, a fracas or battle” (Van Gelder). The winner of this contest established the superiority of his clan or tribe and gained concomitant benefits; the loser paid the consequences, which could include physical injury or even death. Umayyad-era naqa’id, on the other hand, was transitioning away from a contest that decided the outcome of tribal disputes, to one which concentrated on the performance itself. Scholars dismiss this poetry as entertainment without function, produced out of a “need to secure a living” (cf. Badawi 1980). But if Umayyad naqa’id had lost its function, how did it survive? What strategies did poets use to adapt it to the new context? In order to answer these questions I analyze a selection of naqa’id poetry from Umayyad-era poets Jarir and al-Farazdaq. I propose that they, rather than engaging in the serious poetic battles (or sometimes actual battles) that characterized pre-Islamic naqa’id poetry, “colluded” to maintain interest in their poetry by keeping their audience in suspense. An examination of their poetry will show the extent to which their performance was a “collusive” effort. I deliberately draw on Erving Goffman’s concept of “team collusion” (1974) to explain Jarir and al-Farazdaq’s approach to lampoon performance. The conventions of lampoon poetry dictated that competing poets work against each other to win a contest, but I argue that Jarir and al-Farazdaq worked together behind the scenes to craft their poetry. They were in what Goffman terms “secret communication” that “placed [them] in a collusive relationship to one another vis-a-vis the remainder of the participants [i.e. the audience].” The effect was a performance that appeared spontaneous and unrehearsed to the audience, a “team collusion,” which Goffman defines as “any collusive communication which is carefully conveyed in such a way as to cause no threat to the illusion that is being fostered for the audience.” By applying Goffman’s theory to Jarir and al-Farazdaq’s naqa’id I illustrate themes, techniques and devices the poets deployed in order to “collude.” This demonstrates how Jarir and al-Farazdaq were able to maintain the illusion of spontaneity while presenting to their audience a carefully crafted performance-oriented lampoon, thereby providing the poets a tool to maintain interest in their performance over a decades-long span.